Forgotten Words

Tonight, while listening to my pastor, I did as I sometimes do. My mind wandered and I read some scripture that wasn't part of his sermon text. Don't tell me this never happens to you when you're not really "into" hearing what he's bringing. And I read this from Psalms 77. (amplified King James version)
1   I WILL cry to God with my voice, even to God with my voice, and He will give ear and hearken to me.
 2   In the day of my trouble I seek (inquire of and desperately require) the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out [in prayer] without slacking up; I refuse to be comforted.
 3   I [earnestly] remember God; I am disquieted and I groan; I muse in prayer, and my spirit faints [overwhelmed]. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!
 4   You hold my eyes from closing; I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
 5   I consider the days of old, the years of bygone times [of prosperity].
 6   I call to remembrance my song in the night; with my heart I meditate and my spirit searches diligently:
 7   Will the Lord cast off forever? And will He be favorable no more?
 8   Have His mercy and loving-kindness ceased forever? Have His promises ended for all time?
 9   Has God [deliberately] abandoned or forgotten His graciousness? Has He in anger shut up His compassion? Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!
 10   And I say, This [apparent desertion of Israel by God] is my appointed lot and trial, but I will recall the years of      the right hand of the Most High [in loving-kindness extended toward us], for this is my grief, that the right hand of the Most High changes.
 11   I will [earnestly] recall the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will [earnestly] remember the wonders [You performed for our fathers] of old.
 12   I will meditate also upon all Your works and consider all Your [mighty] deeds.
 13   Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary [in holiness, away from sin and guilt]. Who is a great God like our God?
 14   You are the God Who does wonders; You have demonstrated Your power among the peoples.

And I thought of the times during that 5 1/2 weeks in Trauma ICU that I felt like God had left me. I couldn't feel Him, I couldn't hear Him, and I thought what have I done to bring all of this on my family, on my son? Since then I've experienced guilt that my faith wavered and I let the Temptor have that edge over me. I know I've read this passage several times before, but when I  needed to remember it, I couldnt. Thanks to all of your prayers and holding me up when I was hurting and angry, I'm able now to go back and get the comfort I need. I have seen His miracles in times past, he has given me a song, when I did not feel like singing. The nights I couldn't sleep and I was so weary and anguished, I did not know what to pray, and all I could do was litteraly sit and groan. I thought of the seven times in four years Brandon was at "deaths door" according to the doctors, but he "confounded the wise", and lived to tell of another miracle. The answers we need for whatever we are facing, are in His Word. Conditions sometimes block them out, but His words will never pass away. Somebody out there needed this tonight because it  was not what I intended to write about.
Please, all 6000+ of you who may see this, thank God tomorrow sometime for America. Yes, she has her faults right now. Some really serious ones that fly in the face of God's laws and what our founding fatrhers intended when writing our constituion, (which was founded on Gods Word, I don't care what anybody says to the contrary). But she is till the greatest country on earth.
Tonight, while listening to my pastor, I did as I sometimes do. My mind wandered and I read some scripture that wasn't part of his sermon text. Don't tell me this never happens to you when you're not really "into" hearing what he's bringing. And I read this from Psalms 77. (amplified King James version)
1   I WILL cry to God with my voice, even to God with my voice, and He will give ear and hearken to me.
 2   In the day of my trouble I seek (inquire of and desperately require) the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out [in prayer] without slacking up; I refuse to be comforted.
 3   I [earnestly] remember God; I am disquieted and I groan; I muse in prayer, and my spirit faints [overwhelmed]. Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!
 4   You hold my eyes from closing; I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
 5   I consider the days of old, the years of bygone times [of prosperity].
 6   I call to remembrance my song in the night; with my heart I meditate and my spirit searches diligently:
 7   Will the Lord cast off forever? And will He be favorable no more?
 8   Have His mercy and loving-kindness ceased forever? Have His promises ended for all time?
 9   Has God [deliberately] abandoned or forgotten His graciousness? Has He in anger shut up His compassion? Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!
 10   And I say, This [apparent desertion of Israel by God] is my appointed lot and trial, but I will recall the years of      the right hand of the Most High [in loving-kindness extended toward us], for this is my grief, that the right hand of the Most High changes.
 11   I will [earnestly] recall the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will [earnestly] remember the wonders [You performed for our fathers] of old.
 12   I will meditate also upon all Your works and consider all Your [mighty] deeds.
 13   Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary [in holiness, away from sin and guilt]. Who is a great God like our God?
 14   You are the God Who does wonders; You have demonstrated Your power among the peoples.

And I thought of the times during that 5 1/2 weeks in Trauma ICU that I felt like God had left me. I couldn't feel Him, I couldn't hear Him, and I thought what have I done to bring all of this on my family, on my son? Since then I've experienced guilt that my faith wavered and I let the Temptor have that edge over me. I know I've read this passage several times before, but when I  needed to remember it, I couldnt. Thanks to all of your prayers and holding me up when I was hurting and angry, I'm able now to go back and get the comfort I need. I have seen His miracles in times past, he has given me a song, when I did not feel like singing. The nights I couldn't sleep and I was so weary and anguished, I did not know what to pray, and all I could do was litteraly sit and groan. I thought of the seven times in four years Brandon was at "deaths door" according to the doctors, but he "confounded the wise", and lived to tell of another miracle. The answers we need for whatever we are facing, are in His Word. Conditions sometimes block them out, but His words will never pass away. Somebody out there needed this tonight because it  was not what I intended to write about.
Please, all 6000+ of you who may see this, thank God tomorrow sometime for America. Yes, she has her faults right now. Some really serious ones that fly in the face of God's laws and what our founding fatrhers intended when writing our constituion, (which was founded on Gods Word, I don't care what anybody says to the contrary). But she is till the greatest country on earth.

Faithful

Dear Hevenly Father,
I know my praise is very childlike and may be lacking in what all it should cover. But I don't think anyone could mean it more from their heart than me.
I have been to mountain top so many times: When I married Janell, You were there. And everytime I watched a son come into this world. You were there. I have seen all of my sons accept your Son as their Saviour: You were there. I have seen homeruns hit. You were there. I have seen my first sons testimony of your grace and mercy lead others to your throne. You were there. I have seen two grandsons brought into this world. You were there. I saw two sons get married to the helpmate YOU intended for them. You were there. I have felt the thrill of your presence in my soul when I get to sing your praises in the many places you've let me serve. You are there.
And I've been to the valley: Burying a brother, mother in love, daughter in love and a 25 year old son in 6 months. You were there. Burying another son at age 19. Yiou were there. Leaving home at an early age to make my own way in this world. You were there. Seeing America slip away from her Godly ways, You are there. Seeing the strikeout, when just one more run would do it. You were there. Hearing a doctor tell you your son has a rare cancer no one has ever survived and has six months to live. You were there. Having all 3 sons struggle for life their first few week here. You were there. Getting the call that your baby sons house is not there but alll his cars are. You were there.
And theres the moments you've carried me. Through three preemies being born, You were there. Multiple periods of unemployment, You were there. Thirty seven years of marriage to the helpmate you intended for me. You've been there. Allowing me to lead your children into worship for 40 years when my only qualification is that I love Your music. You're still there. Singing at two sons funerals. You were there. Sharing my thoughts, emotions, feelings, fears, disappointments and valleys with people that You, before I was ever created, ordained to be here to pray for me, love on me, encourage me and minister to me. You are still here.
God, please bless all who read these thoughts, though poorly conveyed. Answer their prayers as you have mine. Provide their needs as you have mine. Carry them when they need it, as You have me. Hear them when they cry, as You have me. And please give each one many more mountain tops than valleys, as you have me. But most of all, thanks and praise to you for being there for them when they need You, just as they and You have been here for me. For you are faithful..... Amen

Time Warp 30 Years Ago

Well, it was today, thirty years ago, that I became a Father. I had to go to work before Janell. When I came back from the shower, she told me that she felt a leak occur and that the baby must have rolled over on her bladder. I went on to work, not thinking much about it. I'm at work and around 8AM she tells me she has called the doctor she felt like she was having pains, and had had another leak. He tells her to come into the office for an exam. So I leave work and go home to get her. While in the doctors exam room, on the table, her water breaks. We walk from the professional building over to the hospital, and a few hours later have a 6lb. 2 oz boy, (yes back then it was still a surprise). But he had a lung condition that required he go to NICU at University Hosp and we were at Princeton. So for the first of all 3 times, Janell got to hold her newborn for about 10 minutes, and then watched as they were taken to another hospital. And as with all three, they were dedicated back to God within just a few weeks of birth. We felt that important. Never did we dream........
In the first two years of children (Brandon and Kevin were 17 months apart), Janell, myself or the two boys were admitted to the hospital a total of 17 times. Garrett was the miracle child, though there were multiple expected deformities from medication she was on the first two months of preganancy (she never even knew till she was 3 months with any of them), he was born tiny but well. Kevin was born in the labor room with just me and Janell, no doctors or nurses, and swallowed his amniotic fluid. How ironic that both Brandon and Garrett start and end their lives fighting to live. I have been blessed by my God more than I can ever relate to you, with three sons that have never brought us shame, disappointment or embarrassment. And I have the assurance, that I know that I know that I know, we will be together for eternity. How blessed is that!, And with both of my sons' deaths, other's have come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. How blessed is that! How many fathers can say that? Though I was present, at their side, holding their hands, when they both took their last earthly breaths, I know the next one they took wasn't smoke filled, it was absolutely heavenly. Happy Birthday Brandon, I hope you are enjoying your early birthday present! I love you still, Dad.

Four Weeks in Heaven

I'm back in the saddle tonight, but I'm leaning to one side really bad, and probably fixin to fall off "Ole Paint". Gettin home and in bed at midnight and then up at six might work for some folks, and maybe me if I wasn't already about 3 weeks behind on sleep. I enjoyed ny visit with the folks at Calera Baptist Sunday evening. And God kept my voice going, and hopefully our witness and songs blessed a few folks. And thanks to both Steep Creek Baptist in Lowndes County and the folks at Calera BC for allowing me to get back to what is my passion, singing. (truly a "therapy" for me right now) and for what seems to be an exciting new form of ministry in witnessing and testifying about God's grace and strength. I feel like my son's stories are to be shared, because God sems to be taking this feeble and undeserving vessel's attempt at sharing them, and doing things that only He can do. For I, like all of you, am simply in awe of what has happened with all that we've written. But writing it is only one part of the picture. Like a painter, you must feel what you are sharing, but you also have to "live" it. Painters see more in their subjects than the un-trained eye sees. I must "see" the whole picture God is painting inside of me, to be able to "paint" it for those who come to hear. For that is an awesome responsibility, when people are searching for what God has for them, and you are the messenger of the hour. So, if He leads that way, and the doors open, I must be open to the calling and know when it is time to step out in faith. Several people much more learned and close to God than i am, have dropped hints at me that they feel in their spirit, things are fixing to change for me. Don't know what that means, but I pray for clarity, discernment and trust to know when it's happening. Thank all of you for your continued prayers for Kevin, Janell and I as we complete four weeks in Heaven.
I'll be back.

And She Will Live Happily Ever After

After a physically (and mentally) exhausting day, I'm back home. I eat a bite, and decide to check FB. (Interruption: I won't be posting M-W cause I wont get home till 11:00 or later, and I will hit the sack immediately) And there's this personal message to me from an individual that, as a result of our journey has, thru God, for the last three weeks, successfully kicked a cocaine habit and turned their life over to Christ. I could add nothing to this post that would be any more thoughtful or insightful than re-posting her story, with names changed. I want ya'll to see that your prayers for us are not going unheard. For stories like this just lighten our load so much, and give meaning to Jenn's and Garretts passing.


Please pray for Christine: here's her story

■Hey, Frank! I've decided to tell you my story now, which though it may not be interesting, it comes completely from my heart. I'm fifty years old and started using drugs thirty five years ago. Twenty three years ago, I thought maybe shooting up cocaine would be a grand idea. Well, from the day I started I became hooked. I went to see our preacher, Brother Duke (some called him Brother Buck) at Fairfield Highlands Baptist to seek help and advice for my addiction. That was about twenty years ago. He told me cocaine was my "lover" and had taken full control of me. He compared it to a spouse you put first in your life. He was correct in that I chose coke over sex, food and even people.

I prayed for so long, so many times. Crying out and asking God to please help me before my kids watched me have a heart attack one night after getting high. I didn't mention I'm three hundred and fifty pounds which doesn't help when you're doing coke. I live with my parents (in their 80's) in (city deleted) along with both my daughters. Kelly's twenty and Karen is twenty five. Kelly's the one who went to school with Garrett since first grade. She and I share a bedroom and are very close.

With no end in sight with my addiction, I began to wonder if God had truly deserted me. I am, in fact, just an ant in the scheme of things. I believe and KNOW there is a God, just couldn't figure out why he wouldn't help me not have cravings for coke. Then, April twenty seventh came along. When ever Kelly would come home from school, she would get me some coke and bring it home. So, whatever she said from the time she walked in the door until I quit getting high, really went in one ear and out the other. She told me about Garrett, his story and asked me to pray for him and his family. I did pray, I just did it because she asked me to. So, it kind of got to be a daily ritual. She came home and watched me get high while keeping me up to date with Garrett the whole time. One day, I thought to myself "why does she keep bringing him up all the time"? I got my answer in June sixth. To back up, on the fifth (Garrett's home going) I was on FB and saw your picture under friend suggestions. I knew who you were immediately because you honestly look just like you did thirty seven years ago. (you're welcome! lol) I was so excited to see you and had hoped you'd add me so I could write you this happy message saying "hello".

You did add me around ten a.m. on the sixth. I was on FB, saw the notification and went to your page and was actually smiling and anticipating pushing the message button to write you. When I got on, I glanced down and saw a lot of people posting on your wall. I stopped and looked at it. Well, it took me about thirty seconds until I realized I was reading a nightmare and a parents worst fear.All this time Kelly was talking about Garrett and I never knew he was your son. My heart sunk, and I remember I was crying so hard I couldn't even breathe right. Frank, I felt God's presence like I never remember feeling it in my life. I can't explain it, but he was making me read all of this and he guided me to a few days before the tornado to give me some perspective of you and what was going on in your life.

It took me over an hour to read because I was reading everything word you wrote slowly to soak it all in. The closer I got to the fifth, the harder I cried. I started hurting in my body and began getting sick. God was healing me and I was throwing up all the poison in my body. (That's what I believe anyway) By the time I read your last blog, my life had changed and this is what I believe. If you and your wife can go through losing not one, but two of your children and didn't turn to drugs, then why in the world was I using it? I had no excuse whatsoever. I've read everything on Garrett's page to get a sense of who he is what he likes, dislikes and in general who he really is. (not gonna talk about him in the past tense.) After all, this was the man who helped save my life. Though it may sound melodramatic, I know without a shadow of a doubt that if he hadn't have gone to be with God, I never would have even been phased and I never would have stopped using. Thankfully, for whatever reason I may never know, God has given me another chance to be a "real mom". I have an incredibly long journey ahead of me and not even sure how much time I have left in this world. I know that I have picked my bible up, dusted it off and now read with enthusiasm that I never even knew I had. I stopped the coke that fateful day I read your blogs and I now pray so many times a day that I couldn't even count.

Garrette means so much to me and I've told him "thank you" and even talk to him everyday. I wish I could have given him one hug...just one. What you're going through is something I cannot begin to imagine. I pray for you and your family everyday and will continue to till the day I die. All I can say is thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and I will be eternally grateful. Sorry this was so long, didn't plan it that way.

I love you, my brother in Christ!
Frank here: I've edited out many complimentary things she wrote, but you get the jest of it. God has come into this Mom as the result of each prayer offered up for us. I thank you from the botom of my heart! I'lll be back Thursady, but I'll read when I can