As I think back over the last two years today, I have started a list of things that are different. They have come to me slowly, so it may not be a long list. But sometimes I start typing and I can't stop for a while. I never know......
1. We don't have to add chairs at the kitchen table anymore when all the kids come over to eat.
2. I wear my sons wedding band.
3. I haven't heard "Daddy-o" in a mighty long time.
4. The Auburn house key on my keychain has no door to unlock.
5. We have TWO boxes with sons' names on 'em, full of memoribillia from Kindergarten on up that they will never take to their houses.
6. I now have to pay to have my AC & heating worked on, and my computer.
7. Easter pictures never meant so much.
8. Opening presents on Christmas doesn't take as long.
9. Auburn National Championship football (numbered, limited edition, display case) still sits in our den. It was supposed to be a 2011 Christmas present.
10. 115 Alpine Street.
11. Kevin's middle child syndrome has been replaced with the only child syndrome. If we go out to eat, we are spending his inheritance.
12. The incredible neck rubs that were swapped. He had big strong hands.
13. Daily decisions and life in general have become simpler. Something is either important or it's not. If it isn't, get rid of it.
14. I now measure time by how many times I have filled up my "Daily Pill (morn,noon,night, M-F) Planner and refill prescriptions.
15. I am closer to God than I've ever been
Garret and Jennifer Jones
Garrett and Jennifer Jones
Sunday, April 28, 2013
9th Floor Memories 4/3/13
Tonight, I went back to UAB's 9th floor. I had another reason for going to the hospital, but I was only 1 floor away, so I thought, Why not go see who is still here from the night shift of April 27, 2011. I had no idea how my heart or mind would take it. You see I have good memories of those 5 1/2 weeks spent there. What? Good memories? How can you say that? Let me explain. I remember it fondly first and foremost for what I saw and experienced. I saw people, who answered their life's calling, and in so doing, were there when so many needed them. No complaining, no negative comments, no shirking of responsibility. Instead, working endlessly, sometimes feverishly, always lovingly. Calling on their bodies and their minds to go beyond the normal requirements and demands of their talents. Daily, thinking outside the box, outside the hard covers of the textbooks and beyond normal, almost to supernatural. I remember it fondly, because of special people who made it their purpose in life for those 12 hours of their day, to save my sons life.
As I walked throught the waiting room, I remember the night, maybe in the last week, (the days have run together for this old dad's brain) that the charge nurse came out and sat with Janell and I. He shared that in all his years in nursing, and on that floor, he had never seen one person/family affect a staff so much. He had seen doctors in a conference room, brainstorming and shedding tears to try to come up with solutions to Garrett's problem of the day. He had seen nursing staff, in the break room at supper, praying for my son. He had more staff asking to be asssigned to Garretts care than he had shifts for. And he had felt love from us more so than from any patient he had ever cared for.
I remember, fondly, the last two weeks of Garrett's life that I and others got to communicate with him. The afternoon when he was told that one of his best friends was gonna put Roll Tide shorts on him, and he'd have to wear them till he got well enough to take them off himself. He pretended to reach into an imaginary pocket and pulled out a one-finger-salute, since he couldn't talk. He knew I didn't approve, but it was humerous. And then the final hours before the induced coma, when he assured me with a nod of his head, that if things "went south" he would be in Heaven with Brandon, because he was certain of his salvation.
I remember the days when friends and families, who knew nothing else to do, would just come and sit and talk. Sometimes I was not a good host, for when "the words" started coming to me, I had to be on my computer, sharing my thoughts. But they came and sat just the same. Folks shared goodies, drinks, and other comforts when they had the time. And then there were three persons that I could and would call when "Garrett" needed prayer, no matter the hour of the day or night. But I think they knew it was also the broken shell of a dad on the other end of that connection that needed prayers.
So Yes, I have fond memories of that place. Do I have memories Iwould just as soon forget? To be honest, No. For all of them, happy or sad, good or bad, are just that....memories. And with God's help, I hope to never forget them. Including the one I have from tonight. As I was leaving the unit, two nurses were talking, coming towards me. As we approached each other, one asked "Do you need something, sir?" I said No, I just came to visit the staff. She looked at me and said "I know you from somewhere". I recognized her as a nurse I think cared for Garrett maybe one shift out of about 40 days. My son spent some time up here. Then she started tearing up and said "you're Garrett's dad." I nodded, she started to cry a little bit more, and tried to apologize for it. I said "Please don't apologize, you've just paid my son one of the biggest compliments of his life. Thank you" And we hugged.
Yes, I have fond memories of the 9th floor TBICU of UAB.
As I walked throught the waiting room, I remember the night, maybe in the last week, (the days have run together for this old dad's brain) that the charge nurse came out and sat with Janell and I. He shared that in all his years in nursing, and on that floor, he had never seen one person/family affect a staff so much. He had seen doctors in a conference room, brainstorming and shedding tears to try to come up with solutions to Garrett's problem of the day. He had seen nursing staff, in the break room at supper, praying for my son. He had more staff asking to be asssigned to Garretts care than he had shifts for. And he had felt love from us more so than from any patient he had ever cared for.
I remember, fondly, the last two weeks of Garrett's life that I and others got to communicate with him. The afternoon when he was told that one of his best friends was gonna put Roll Tide shorts on him, and he'd have to wear them till he got well enough to take them off himself. He pretended to reach into an imaginary pocket and pulled out a one-finger-salute, since he couldn't talk. He knew I didn't approve, but it was humerous. And then the final hours before the induced coma, when he assured me with a nod of his head, that if things "went south" he would be in Heaven with Brandon, because he was certain of his salvation.
I remember the days when friends and families, who knew nothing else to do, would just come and sit and talk. Sometimes I was not a good host, for when "the words" started coming to me, I had to be on my computer, sharing my thoughts. But they came and sat just the same. Folks shared goodies, drinks, and other comforts when they had the time. And then there were three persons that I could and would call when "Garrett" needed prayer, no matter the hour of the day or night. But I think they knew it was also the broken shell of a dad on the other end of that connection that needed prayers.
So Yes, I have fond memories of that place. Do I have memories Iwould just as soon forget? To be honest, No. For all of them, happy or sad, good or bad, are just that....memories. And with God's help, I hope to never forget them. Including the one I have from tonight. As I was leaving the unit, two nurses were talking, coming towards me. As we approached each other, one asked "Do you need something, sir?" I said No, I just came to visit the staff. She looked at me and said "I know you from somewhere". I recognized her as a nurse I think cared for Garrett maybe one shift out of about 40 days. My son spent some time up here. Then she started tearing up and said "you're Garrett's dad." I nodded, she started to cry a little bit more, and tried to apologize for it. I said "Please don't apologize, you've just paid my son one of the biggest compliments of his life. Thank you" And we hugged.
Yes, I have fond memories of the 9th floor TBICU of UAB.
Holiday Tears 12/4/12
This has to be the hardest time of the year for me. We have a beautiful tree we put each year, and on it some very special decorations, as most parents probably do. Ornaments created in Sunday School or VBS or 1st grade. Ornaments given by grandparents or ones we bought to put their picture in. Sleds made from popsicle sticks with their name written on them. A few given by friends to commorate a trip they took. One of my favorites is a Green Bay Packers football player, glass, hand painted that we bought when we were the beneficiaries of a wonderful trip to Green Bay and Lambaugh Field. Brandon had been promised a trip with his family, by Brett Favre, Bart Starr Jr. & Sr. Brandon had met Brett, courtesy of Paul Finebaum and Bart Jr. And Brett told Brandon he would see to it that we would get to come up there. On the evening before we were to leave on an early September Sat Morning, Brandon's neck broke and the trip was cancelled. A year later, after Brandon has passed away, Bart Jr. called and asked if we were still open to going, this time in Brandons memory. We made the trip, had tickets (Bart Jr's personal seats) to a game, got to go snow mobiling, and felt Bubba with us every step of the way. We bought that ornament in Lambaugh's gift shop.
It's also time to hang stockings. That's pretty hard, too. Janell does monograming and each son and each daughter in love, and each grandson have one that she has specifically picked out for them, and lovingly put their name on it. Janell hangs them because I can't. Three of them are empty this year. Then there is the photo ornament from when we took our two "kids" to Disneyworld (along with the one daughter in love). Better late than never. But there we all are, with the castle in the background.
I cannot imagine how folks that have lost loved ones that were not Christian, or are not Christians, deal with the separation, especially at this time of the year. I can so easily see how depression can creep in and cause problems. Were it not for the blessed hope and promise I have that Jennifer, Garrett, Brandon, JayMomma and Pop are all together, in the presence of each other and The Gift of the Ages, their Savior and mine, I honestly don't believe I could function. Prayers arew a tremendous help, and I thank God for each one said for me and mine. But there is still that hole, that immense hole, that can never be filled. Yes it heals up, but it's a scar. It's never like it was. I have new friends this year that I didn't have last year. I am most undeservingly blessed to be a fractional part of people He has called to be in ministry. I have friends that have come back from my past, some I had forgotten, yet a couple that I have never stopped loving since we were kids, just now in a different way.
I believe that those in Heaven can see us and what we enduring here on Earth. After all, they have been made "like Him" and He can see us. So when tears come as I look at a stocking, remember a smile or a special moment, or look upon my grandsons or the son who has become such a great DAD himself without a real good role model, or tears come when I look at a wife and mom who has endured much more than most moms ever have to and still does for others more than herself; I hope that those watching from Heaven understand they are tears of happiness. And I bet they shed some themselves. After all, John 11:35 says "Jesus wept".
I sincerely hope that each one who reads this experiences a loving, happy and blessed Christmas. And if anyone reading has not received the Gift of the Ages I spoke of earlier, please message me. I'd be honored to share the story.
It's also time to hang stockings. That's pretty hard, too. Janell does monograming and each son and each daughter in love, and each grandson have one that she has specifically picked out for them, and lovingly put their name on it. Janell hangs them because I can't. Three of them are empty this year. Then there is the photo ornament from when we took our two "kids" to Disneyworld (along with the one daughter in love). Better late than never. But there we all are, with the castle in the background.
I cannot imagine how folks that have lost loved ones that were not Christian, or are not Christians, deal with the separation, especially at this time of the year. I can so easily see how depression can creep in and cause problems. Were it not for the blessed hope and promise I have that Jennifer, Garrett, Brandon, JayMomma and Pop are all together, in the presence of each other and The Gift of the Ages, their Savior and mine, I honestly don't believe I could function. Prayers arew a tremendous help, and I thank God for each one said for me and mine. But there is still that hole, that immense hole, that can never be filled. Yes it heals up, but it's a scar. It's never like it was. I have new friends this year that I didn't have last year. I am most undeservingly blessed to be a fractional part of people He has called to be in ministry. I have friends that have come back from my past, some I had forgotten, yet a couple that I have never stopped loving since we were kids, just now in a different way.
I believe that those in Heaven can see us and what we enduring here on Earth. After all, they have been made "like Him" and He can see us. So when tears come as I look at a stocking, remember a smile or a special moment, or look upon my grandsons or the son who has become such a great DAD himself without a real good role model, or tears come when I look at a wife and mom who has endured much more than most moms ever have to and still does for others more than herself; I hope that those watching from Heaven understand they are tears of happiness. And I bet they shed some themselves. After all, John 11:35 says "Jesus wept".
I sincerely hope that each one who reads this experiences a loving, happy and blessed Christmas. And if anyone reading has not received the Gift of the Ages I spoke of earlier, please message me. I'd be honored to share the story.
Looking Back and Forward 10/29/12
As we near 6,200 likes for "Prayers For Garrett Jones", Wow, what a difference 18 months make. Here in Hueytown, outside of Birmingham, we were hearing of the storms that were coming. We knew the path that most of the storms coming out of the southwest take, so there was some concern. Hueytown has always managed to avoid serious damage, only by the grace of God. Things were getting bad that afternoon, as some small tornadoes and straight line winds had done damage earlier in the day. Janell and I both got off early, and decided to meet at Cracker Barrel for an early supper, since we could just bet on losing power later. And when our food was delivered to our table, I said a blessing as I always do. And in this blessing I specifically asked God to keep our sons, daughters in love and grandsons safe. I called each one by name. And I thought no more about it till 3 hours later when I saw the weatherman giving the path an F5 was expected to take. But I had prayed for each, and you know, it never happens to anyone you know. But it had happened to Janell's mother & father and sister in '98, when another F5 followed an almost identical path 1/4 mile away from this one. It hit their home while they were all hunkered down in the shower. So, we had already had our close call. At 6:00 I get a call from Kevin who was looking at an empty basement where Garretts house once stood.
That started a 6 week nightmare, that still comes back to haunt me. Days where a vision of him in the hospital bed looking at me as if to say Dad, can't you do something". All I could do was pray. Visions of his last breath, as I held his hand, and out of the corner of my eye, saw a monitor go flatline. But as a reuslt of that nightmare, my life has been forever changed. I no longer take things for granted if I can help it. I pray more for others than I ever have. I am more understanding of those who get mad at God. I haven't gotten mad at Him, but I can see how someone could. The memory of standing beside Kevin as we looked at his brother for the last time. But.....
I NEVER HAVE A BAD DAY! Just that some days are not as good as others. So good has come from bad. And God has allowed me just a minute glimpse of what He can do with a Dad who has been hurt and tested and tried by fire. It's been a while since he's opened a door for me to go and share. I had been hoping I'd be going monthly if not more. But He has quieted that ministry. I feel like I'm about to burst sometimes when I want to shout to the world what He has brought me through and how He can do it for others. I opened my will to write a book if that is what He wants, but I haven't felt the tug inside of me, like I have felt it from outside of me. I did feel led to do a CD project, and He supplied what was needed for that. (And I felt like I belonged there every time I put those headphones on in the studio) I'm not sure how to describe what I feel most days. The closest I can come to sharing it, is I feel restless. Like there is something I'm supposed to do with whatever time I have left.
So when you are reading the prayer requests, or going through your prayer list, How 'bout saying a little one for me. I need clarity and peace. But I thank God for all of you. I think maybe 5 thousand don't visit anymore or very seldom. But none the less, I think 6,200 is just an incredible testament to what God can do with social media, when it's done the right way. Thanks to Janis and Stephanie and other, it has been and will continue to be.
That started a 6 week nightmare, that still comes back to haunt me. Days where a vision of him in the hospital bed looking at me as if to say Dad, can't you do something". All I could do was pray. Visions of his last breath, as I held his hand, and out of the corner of my eye, saw a monitor go flatline. But as a reuslt of that nightmare, my life has been forever changed. I no longer take things for granted if I can help it. I pray more for others than I ever have. I am more understanding of those who get mad at God. I haven't gotten mad at Him, but I can see how someone could. The memory of standing beside Kevin as we looked at his brother for the last time. But.....
I NEVER HAVE A BAD DAY! Just that some days are not as good as others. So good has come from bad. And God has allowed me just a minute glimpse of what He can do with a Dad who has been hurt and tested and tried by fire. It's been a while since he's opened a door for me to go and share. I had been hoping I'd be going monthly if not more. But He has quieted that ministry. I feel like I'm about to burst sometimes when I want to shout to the world what He has brought me through and how He can do it for others. I opened my will to write a book if that is what He wants, but I haven't felt the tug inside of me, like I have felt it from outside of me. I did feel led to do a CD project, and He supplied what was needed for that. (And I felt like I belonged there every time I put those headphones on in the studio) I'm not sure how to describe what I feel most days. The closest I can come to sharing it, is I feel restless. Like there is something I'm supposed to do with whatever time I have left.
So when you are reading the prayer requests, or going through your prayer list, How 'bout saying a little one for me. I need clarity and peace. But I thank God for all of you. I think maybe 5 thousand don't visit anymore or very seldom. But none the less, I think 6,200 is just an incredible testament to what God can do with social media, when it's done the right way. Thanks to Janis and Stephanie and other, it has been and will continue to be.
Sept. 4, 2012
This past weekend was the one year anniversary of Janell's stroke. What an incredible recovery God has wrought! I think of how, at that time, we were still reeling from our loss of our baby boy and our newest daughter -in-love. And then the injury Kevin received in January. You, our extended family, held us up with such praying and pleading. As some of you know, my motto is "I Never Have A Bad Day...
!", and I truly mean it. Some days are not as good as others. But every day I get to experience the love, grace and faithfulness of our Heavenly Father, I am a blessed man. Not many dads can say they have have had two sons, who thru their life and/or death, played a part in so many people lives being changed. On the way home this afternoon, I had a CD in, and the Cathedral Quartet sang an accapella arrangement of "Great Is Thy Faithfulness". And I cried. I hit replay and cried some more, and then I did it again. And as I sit here typing this now, tears fill my eyes. Not because of our trials, but because of our victories, and the very, very evident faithfulness of my God. If I had not had His peace, strength, providence, guidance, protection, grace, love and mercy, I would be one angry and messed up individual. But I was constantly remembering an aquaintance (not a close friend) saying "People were watching you more this time than when you lost Brandon", and I prayed over and over, "Lord, get me through another day, please don't let me falter or show weakness in witness". And He heard my prayers, but He heard ya'lls too. I am living proof He did. So are Janell and Kevin.
!", and I truly mean it. Some days are not as good as others. But every day I get to experience the love, grace and faithfulness of our Heavenly Father, I am a blessed man. Not many dads can say they have have had two sons, who thru their life and/or death, played a part in so many people lives being changed. On the way home this afternoon, I had a CD in, and the Cathedral Quartet sang an accapella arrangement of "Great Is Thy Faithfulness". And I cried. I hit replay and cried some more, and then I did it again. And as I sit here typing this now, tears fill my eyes. Not because of our trials, but because of our victories, and the very, very evident faithfulness of my God. If I had not had His peace, strength, providence, guidance, protection, grace, love and mercy, I would be one angry and messed up individual. But I was constantly remembering an aquaintance (not a close friend) saying "People were watching you more this time than when you lost Brandon", and I prayed over and over, "Lord, get me through another day, please don't let me falter or show weakness in witness". And He heard my prayers, but He heard ya'lls too. I am living proof He did. So are Janell and Kevin.
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