Garret and Jennifer Jones

Garret and Jennifer Jones
Garrett and Jennifer Jones

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Self Reflections

I never write these posts to get any kind of a response, so if I get none here it's O.K. with me. I have just been A.) Perplexed B.) Confused C.)Overwhelmed D.) Humbled and E.)Scared, in a sense. All from the reactions and responses to so many of you who have shared my journey. I say my journey because I can't tell you what Janell or Kevin truly feels. I know I look at life and it's blows or challenges totally different than they do. And I respond to each stumbling block along the way differently. I trust people to a fault, if that little voice in me says I can. But sometimes that little voice says "don't", and though I can't explain why, I'll watch my back around that person. But first impressions are very big with me.
Please don't anyone take this the wrong way. I strictly mean I see it as a visual, on the surface, correlation of what I'm going through to what Moses went through. He asked God "why Me. Who am I that Pharoah would listen to me. I am nothing". As for Frank Jones, I barely graduated high school. And with the exception of just a few individuals from church, I was not friendless, but not a part of the "in"crowd. I had a 3 wheel mail/police scooter instead of a car! Talk about jokes and jeers. I had chores at home which precluded me from going out with friends. My father was a very strict, old fashioned baptist preacher, and I was by todays standards, an abused child. I was told this by people (adults) that knew me growing up and would speak a kind word when we would meet about how I had turned out well in spite of my upbringing. I though my discipline was normal for Christian family kids, never suspected it was abuse. I even lost my 4 year childhood sweetheart around age 11 and that just tore my world apart. I've always been this way: If you have ever been loved or liked by me, you still are! Those few people in life that affect you that way are worth loving for life.
But all this attention to my journal (which is my heart) has brought new friends by the thousands, which have been very scarce in my life. Until Brandon met Mark Weldon, I had no male best friend that I could talk to daily. There was a former choir director that was (is) still very important to me, but we didn't communicate that often back then. So when now, in a matter of a few months, people are being "uplifted", "changed", "inspired", "blessed" and other superlatives, just because I feel the need to spill my guts or express a thought, well.... that is scary my friends. I have no idea how or why God takes what I write, and turns it into a blessing or a message. I am not worthy of this kind of attention, nor do I feel it merited. I won't write something just to be writing something. It has to be something I'm feeling orsomething I've witnessed or experienced that I feel it's worth sharing. So some days may not produce a post. But I promise to make it from my heart when it does happen. I do encourage everyone not to take tomorrow for granted. As I was recently corrected by that "old Flame" ( l meant that lovingly LH) we are all promised a tomorrow, just not an earthly tomorrow.
I'll be back.

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