I Wonder

Well, hopefully things are going to start settleing down and we can start drawing full pay checks and feel like contributing members of society again. You know, doing our part to pay down $14.8 trillion dollars. We haven'd had 40 hours in a while. Both of our employers have been very understanding and it's a blessing to work for these kinds of folks. I don't write the following to make anyone sad, or to illicit pity or anything other than it's whats been on my mind for several days, and maybe writing it down will help get over it.
I still find myself thinking of Garretts and Jenn's final minutes together and what they must have been going through. I know Garrett was doing all he could to protect his soulmate and I can't imagine what he went through mentally for the two weeks he was conscious. I wonder if he was allowed to see her or Brandon during his weeks of battling this lifes fiery darts. I wonder if he is allowed to look down on us and watch us from time to time. I wonder if God lays out the mansions for family members close to or next door to each other. (Janell will probably ask for hers and mine to be at least a few blocks apart!) I wonder if my sons miss me. I wonder if they know when our birthdays are, or their earthly birthdays are (for truly that is one of our hardest days of the year). I wonder if dogs go to heaven. We found out yesterday that the dog Brandon actually picked out of a litter (not on the side of the road as were led to believe), LUCY, has an enlarged heart, a malignant tumor on top of her shoulders and one on her side. But she doesn't seem to be in any pain, still eats well and struggles with her displasia, (bad hip joints). Garrett adopted her after Brandon went home, and he would actually get down in the floor and lay beside her and hug her and agrivate her and make her bark. Who would have though that at 14 she would have outlived her two real masters. And that now she will probably leave here in the not too distant future, with the same illness as one of them. If you would have told me 38 1/2 years ago that my life would live out this way, I probably would have tried not to love, as I had once or twice before. But, both of them broke my heart and I still fell for Janell, so that may not be a true statement. But my days are full of questions that I don't seem to find answers for anywhere I look. But if He is reading this, I'd ask Him to just let me briefly see my three kids that have been taken from me way too soon. In my living room, in my driveway, all at once or one at a time. I really don't have a preference. But even that won't stop me from more wondering.